I?ve been invited to Abilene to speak at a church?s 100 year anniversary. The theme is ?This Far by Faith.? My speech was planned months ago and contains Biblical references about longevity. I use BibleGateway.com for research. It allows you to use keywords and look in many different interpretations. I looked up the keyword ? faith. The search produced dozens of scriptures. I put them in three sections; God?s faith in us, our faith in God, and our faith in each other. It was a little long, but I figured I would get inspired before I had to speak.
My road trip to Abilene was uninspiring. I got to my hotel without knowing which section I would use. My cell phone rang as I unloaded my car. My best friend was very upset on the other end. He just started dating someone new and he felt like he was under attack. The young woman he is dating is delightful. He told me all about her and I have spoken to her on the phone a few times. All of our mutual friends like her and I have been looking forward to getting to know her better. She is not someone that would make his friends worry. What happened?
While I boarded a crowded elevator, he unloaded the day?s events. I thought his new girlfriend had said or done something horrifying. She had not done a thing. His sister, however, successfully unloaded all of her own insecurities on him in a conversation from hell.
She told him that he had terrible patterns. She thinks that the new girlfriend might have ulterior motives. She wondered why he always ?rushed? relationships. The conversation was painful. On the elevator, all I could do is say, ?OK, OK, OK.?
My first reaction was that his sister was trying to be protective. When I got into my room, I told him that I understood that part. Then I told him how much I hate what she did. Friends, family, and sometimes people we barely know can step over boundaries and ruin a situation if we let them. The issue is not whether the girlfriend or the situation is perfect. No person or situation is perfect. The issue is whether or not we want to have faith that, no matter what, things will work out alright.
We take a chance every time we trust someone. Those ?Big Sister Moments? are painful because the other person is telling us to never expect anything good to happen. I reject that, it is unacceptable.
Trusting is always an act of faith. The only thing that varies is the people involved. When I think of the dangers of the world I think of serial killers, diseases, natural disasters, and unavoidable accidents. Being warned that a new person in your life might hurt your feelings seems ridiculous. If someone has a good history with people, they are probably low risk. Nobody can predict the future, but most people are operating within a range of normal behavior. Dramatic, frightening warnings are hardly ever necessary, but dramatic, frightened people love opportunities to mess with your mind!
I always encourage people to have high expectations. Go for what you want! Living that way means accepting that you don?t get what you want 100% of the time. Sometimes it is 99% of the time, sometimes its fifty. There are times when what happens is far superior to what you expected. Those are the best! The worst times are when you make an investment in something that has no recognizable value. Avoiding the worst times is a matter of due diligence. What are you investing in and what are your chances of terrible loss? Another good question is what are you losing? Value often reveals itself later. We never really lose.
Family and friends are usually trying to protect you, but it is not necessary to adopt their lack of faith. My best friend?s tailspin was completely out of character. He is accustomed to being trusted. I do trust him and I will not use his trust in me to cause emotional harm. He will recover. There is no reason to treat one ill-conceived conversation like the end of the world.
I?m rearranging my scriptural references for the speech in Abilene. I will open with a question. If you don?t love your brother whom you can see, how can you love God, who you can not see? Please, have faith in each other.
Dr. LaMar researches, writes, and speaks about mentoring relationships among professional women. She also consults with growing businesses about how personality and processes can affect workplace dynamics. Her books "God Provides The Sacrifice: Women Discuss Making Their Hardest Decision" and "Drama Free Workplace" can be purchased in e-book format and paperback from her web sites or by calling 806-203-4094. http://www.DrLaMar.com http://www.DramaFreeWorkplace.com http://www.PhenomenalWomansGuide.com
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